At halftime the score was 3-2, with the Portland Antifascists leading the San Fransisco Squatters. Not wanting to be outdone by ESPN—who had recently given an on-air moment of silence for victims of the “Don’t Say Gay” Bill—the George Floyd Sports Network decided to make a statement of their own, hoping to gain some ground on ESPN in the ESG standings.
So just before the second half began, directly after GFSN’s main fentanyl sponsor ran, play-by-play guy Steve Kerr—who had recently resigned his position as head coach of the Golden State Warriors due to “no longer wanting to tell black players what to do”—opened with this statement:
“In an attempt to stand in solidarity with transgender athletes who are barred from participating in sports, guest commentator Michelle Obama and I will be getting expedited versions of sex reassignment surgery live on-air. I will be receiving a set of male genitalia while Michael…er, Michelle will finally be ridding herself of hers.”
Needless to say, of the eight people watching, over half tuned out for the operation; though none admitted to turning it off, and all went to social media to post “stunning and brave” messages. They all tuned back into the game once the second half began.
Due to new league rules, the losing team was allowed to add one male-to-female transitioning athlete to their roster at halftime. The Squatters chose LeBronia James, who went on to lead the team to a historic 1-point comeback by scoring 93 second half points, all on dunks. The final score: Squatters 95, Antifascists 3. An instant classic.
As the final buzzer sounded, LeBronia peered into the empty stands, pumped her fist, and shouted, “This is for Jones Blake!”—paying tribute to a black man recently killed by police, a death that prevented the man from being able to assault an eleven-year-old girl.
Lol